one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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