We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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