I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
