R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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