and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
