Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
