never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
