maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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