If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
