Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
