i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Terrible idea I love it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
