I accidentally had phone sex last night
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
