so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
