I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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