i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
