Everything about him screamed your future.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
