are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
