Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
