just tell him i said nine months
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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