that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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