the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm at about main and main street
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
