Heybabeimwearingurpanties
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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