Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
