last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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