is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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