I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
