I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
