Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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