You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
