I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
