i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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