I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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