He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
