i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize