I wish my penis had an off switch
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
