ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
