I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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