dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
