We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize