I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
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i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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