WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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