I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
