and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
