I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
