i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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