Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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