So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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