your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
