My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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