So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My hand turned me down
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
