Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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