Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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