Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
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If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
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Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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