its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
