I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
