I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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