I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
