i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
