TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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