she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
