the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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