He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
