T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
