If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Damn victory sex feels great
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
