FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
