hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
