Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
