Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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