She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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