Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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