I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
