If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
