the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
