So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
