the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
