I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
