apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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