Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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