Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
