New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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