Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
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Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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