Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
